So I saw the movie Dead Pool yesterday and felt inspired to make a blog post about it. And the only movie I reviewed last year was Magic Mike XXL. So this kind of post doesn't come around often. Before going to see the movie I had already heard about the "submissive" scene. And even though I have never read the comic was told Tim Miller, the director, announced the character would be Pansexual. I had no idea that the original comic book creation was so hyper sexual, so I have been told. I love the Marvel universe and I am a huge X-Men fan so I was looking forward to seeing the movie, but with some hesitation about how Tim Miller and Ryan Reynolds would portray the sexuality of the character. I loved the movie so much I don’t know if I will be able to put into words all the things it made me feel. Which sounds dumb because it’s just another (anti) superhero movie right? I sat in an audience full of men. Not one woman in the theater at 3:30 pm in the afternoon. Before the movie began I tried to imagine the groans these guys would make during gay jokes. Or see them squirm over something that’s uncomfortable. To my surprise these guys sat wide eyed, captivated, and with a childish grin on their face every time Dead Pool made a kill or made love to his girlfriend. Even during the “submissive” thing. These guys giggled like little girls watching a My Little Pony movie. Snuggling up next to each other chomping on popcorn. What the fuck?
Of course there were no women at the theater, and I believe that was a contributing factor for the comfort level of the guys to embrace the character without having to “act out” a reaction for their girlfriends sake. I have been meditating on this movie and trying to process my feelings because I identified with the character more than any man in the movie. I think. Or maybe not. Or maybe we all did. Or maybe it is the zeitgeist, that men under the age of 30 today just embrace a queerer view of the world without hesitation. And I am not talking about gay marriage or politics or anything like that. I am simply talking about men being more sexual fluid today rather then having a rigid view of sexuality. When I went to sex shops in the past I asked myself what kind of man would let a woman strap on a dildo and let her fuck him? I guess Dead Pool would.
This sounds dumb but I connected with Ryan’s portrayal of the character so deeply that I needed to cry later. Not because there was a so called Pansexual “identity” attached to the character that people were expecting from the movie. But because of the femininity that Ryan so boldly slapped in people’s face without reservation. I thought, felt, and will have to watch again to try and catch all the little queer vibes I got off him. And in full disclosure I have never seen Ryan Reynolds act before. Never seen one of his movies. So I came with a completely unbiased opinion judging his acting skills. Does he act that queer in his other movies? Or did he amplify his sexuality for the film. I don’t care. He was masculine, he was feminine, he was sarcastic, provocative, and a total badass. I love his openness about “self pleasuring”. I am sure all the solosexuals out there cheered! But watching Ryan’s portrayal of Wade Wilson (Dead Pool prior to his mutation) was like looking in a mirror. I have always felt like a wierdo. That I was strange or “off”. And that made me feel very unattractive. As my followers know I have ran the gamut of being straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, and queer. I ended up identifying as queer because I gave up on trying to explain my sexual attractions to so many different “types” and genders. I also ended up identifying as gender non conforming. I love my male-ness but I don’t feel the need to conform to any social norms surrounding typical male behavior. And in doing so, and being like this, it has made me feel unlovable at times. It has made me feel like an outcast. And that is what I saw in Wade. Someone who felt detached and alone. Kind of strange and kinda queer. I also felt that being more effeminate than other men made me unattractive to heterosexual women. So seeing a guy like Wade with a beautiful woman who loved and celebrated his personality was so encouraging to me. I have been in relationships with women who have been asked at parties if I was her gay friend. That sucks. And made me feel shitty.
I guess what I am saying is regardless of Tim Miller’s directing, or Ryan Reynold’s conscious or unconscious acting abilities, were able to create an authentic character with a broad range of depth, identity, sexuality and with a lot of humor. It made me feel ok. It gave me, for the first time in my life, a hero I could identify with. Hyper sexual but not hyper masculine... like me. Kind of a weirdo… like me. Kinda Queer… like me. Watching Wade walk around in an ugly sweater with no pants on in his apartment is… totally me. So it’s all the things. From hiding a candy ring in his butt, to masturbating with his stuffed unicorn, to wearing a shirt representing the broadway show RENT… I loved everything about how Ryan developed the personality. Maybe Ryan didn’t try very hard, maybe he didn’t think as deeply about it as I am right now.
So this is my thank you to Tim and Ryan for making this movie and being authentic. This movie lived up to all my hopes and dreams. More than anything it gave me permission to just be me.